Self-confidence is something that everyone would like to strengthen, whether it is a lack of self-confidence in general or just temporary phases of low self-esteem. Most people find themselves in a situation where something has shaken them and they want to find a way to regain the self-confidence they once had.
In psychology, this is a common topic, as well as in many personal development programs, and beyond, because self-confidence and good image about ourselves is the key to a quality life. Our attitude towards ourselves and our level of self-confidence are much more impacting our lives than any circumstances!
SELF-CONFIDENCE OR SELF-ESTEEM?
Although most talk is about self-confidence, self-esteem is often mentioned in a similar or the same context. But are these the same terms? Do you lack self-confidence or self-esteem? Or both? Does it matter at all?
Self-esteem (or self-awareness) is the result of self-knowledge and self-evaluation, while self-confidence refers to our abilities and skills.
Although these are terms of different meanings, in practice I have not met a person who has high self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. These two concepts are much more intertwined in practice, and we cannot look at them separately when we want to build self-confidence and / or self-esteem.
It is about the image we have of ourselves, and based on it we make numerous decisions. Based on it, we decide whether to adopt new skills and develop our abilities. We decide whether to adopt new healthier habits. Build better relationships. And so on.
But it always starts with our self-confidence – can I do it or not?
The image we have of ourselves is often intertwined with physical appearance on the one hand, and traits and abilities on the other. Unfortunately, today a lot of emphasis is placed on physical appearance, so sometimes clients call me, especially women, because they want to lose weight, they want to look better, more beautiful…
While there is nothing wrong with looking good, in fact, taking care of yourself and your body is desirable, but the problem arises when you want to look different because you do not like yourself as you are. You do not accept yourself as you are and that of course affects your self-confidence.
WHAT IS SELF-CONFIDENCE?
What exactly is self-confidence? I mentioned earlier that in theory there are two most common terms – self-esteem and self-confidence, although in practice they do not function separately. But to round off the story, we can say that it is about the overall picture of ourselves, the sense of self-worth and the attitude we have towards ourselves, that is, how we treat ourselves.
This has a lot of layers, and your values and beliefs play a big role there. While many will agree that one should believe in oneself and love oneself, etc., it can be quite difficult to find anything specific in terms of how to achieve this.
HOW THE IMAGE WE HOLD ABOUT OURSELVES IMPACTS OUR SELF-CONFIDENCE?
From the position of lack of self-love and self-acceptance, you will hardly be able to strengthen your self-confidence. Yes, a change in physical appearance will bring you a temporarily better feeling. But only temporarily.
As you lose weight or change something else in yourself, you will be a little more satisfied with yourself, but only for a short time. You will soon find a flaw that you will focus on to continue that negative monologue in your head.
Why is this happening? Because you haven’t changed your attitude towards yourself. You haven’t changed your view of yourself. And that’s where it all starts.
You know that saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” This is one big truth. And today, even quantum physics confirms that the observer influences the object of observation by his observation!
CAN YOU STRENGTHEN YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE WHEN YOU DON’T LIKE WHO YOU ARE?
How will you strengthen your self-confidence if you have remained the same old observer from within? You can’t.
This is why many cannot stop themselves once they go for a plastic surgery. You must have seen such examples. Because there aren’t enough surgeries to fix or replace what’s missing inside. The lack of self-love. Acception. Self-confidence. And aesthetic surgeries are certainly not a path to help you regain confidence.
With personal development it’s quite similar: many people understand self-improveoment as an aesthetic procedure. Never enough! Never good enough. That way you can never be more self-confident. Because nothing has changed in the eye of the beholder. Read more about personal development and self-help methods in my previous article here.
From my experience working with people in coaching, self-confidence is one of the key things most people lack. Most people want to learn how to regain self-confidence, how to accept and love themselves. And there lies the key: self-love goes hand in hand with self-confidence.
Without self-love, all the attepmts to gain self-confidence will be only superficial change. With temporary effects.
Everything around us is a reflection of ourselves. That’s already quite familiar, I know. But that is exactly why self-love is at the very core of everything that surrounds us. In a way, we can say that our life is a reflection of our love for ourselves.
HOW TO BE MORE SELF-CONFIDENT?
All of the above above can help you understand this topic, but only specific action steps will lead you to change.
What are these action steps? What can you do? Where to start?
We definitely need to go back to the beginning and discover the sources of self-confidence. This is the first step, whether you want to strengthen the self-confidence you have or regain the self-confidence you lost.
1. DISCOVER YOUR SOURCE OF SELF-CONFIDENCE
I have noticed that most people have one dominant source of self-confidence. That is often an area of life that serves as a basis for our own value. For some people it is family, for others it is a career, money, physical appearance, etc.
It is important to find out which area of your life is your dominant source of self-confidence, and I believe you have already become aware of this in these few sentences.
2. STRENGTHEN OTHER SOURCES OF SELF-CONFIDENCE
Once you’ve discovered which, or all, areas are sources of your self-confidence, it’s time to strengthen the others. Which area of life you most want to learn how to regain self-confidence in? Which are of life you feel least confident about?
The tricky thing is when you have only one source from which you draw all the value, when something bad happens in that area, you won’t have anything to hold on to. That is the moment when people get depressed, and lose grounds.
Have you heard the story of Adolf Merckle, a billionaire who committed suicide after losing a quarter of his $ 12 billion fortune? And many more who have done that because of losing their jobs?
DON’T PUT ALL THE VALUE IN ONE BASKET
When you put all your value “in one basket”, what will happen when someone takes that basket away from you? That is why it is important to develop more different centers or pillars of self-confidence.
If you put all your value into one basket, let’s say a partnership, what will happen if you breakup? It is important to develop in other areas too, because in this way we will also develop self-confidence and feel better about ourselves immediately.
If you only start today with physical activity for example (in case you have neglected so far), you will notice that you will soon start to feel better and look better physically. And that it will have a good effect on your self-confidence!
Not only because you look and feel better, but because you accomplished something based on your decision! You achieved something you wanted! That’s a very powerful way to boost self-confidence: giving yourself evidence of your worth and value!
If you enroll in a photography, dance, or something else that interests you, you will dedicate your time to something you love, acquire new knowledge and skills and this will improve the image you have of yourself.
3. THE FOUNDATION OF SELF-CONFIDENCE IS SELF-LOVE
All of the above said can help, but the real foundation of self-confidence lies in self-love. Even if you achieve a lot, even if you achieve business goals, financial goals, family etc, if you don’t love yourself, it won’t help you long-term.
Surely you’ve heard the story of R. Williams, a famous and beloved comedian, who by the standards of many people “had it all,” but despite took his own life?
HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF?
How do we regain the self-confidence and self-love we once had? I believe you have heard countless times that self-love is the key – but how to accomplish that? How to love yourself?
Here is one practical exercise: Stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself how much you love the person you see in the mirror? Your honest answer will tell you all about the quality of your life.
Once you have mastered this, and you are able to look in the mirror and see the person you love and who is your best friend, any circumstances will hardly bring you down, because the source of your value is in you.
TAKE A LOOK WITHIN…
Look for harmony within yourself and not outside of yourself. Look for value within yourself, not outside of yourself.
Because when you look for it outside of yourself, it always means that there is a lack inside. Take care of that first, and then engage in the activities you love, surround yourself with people you love, etc.
Only then can you really be the one who gives, and not asks, because there is no shortage inside of you. Then you can you give love and it doesn’t matter if someone rejects you because it doesn’t affect your love for you. You will find yourslef then feeling safe even when faced with job loss or financial crisis.
Want to learn how to build lasting self-confidence? Want to learn how to accept and love yourself? Want to discover and change your limiting beliefs? Contact me for a free consultation.