Fear – how to deal with it?

9. November 2020.

Fear is the most common reason why we maintain the status quo. The reason we are not doing anything about our situation. The reason we don’t dare to go toward something that we want. The reason we are unsatisfied. That is why liberation from fear brings us enormous benefits, which are spilling over to all segments of our life. But, how do we get rid of fear?

LIFE IN THE COMFORT ZONE

Although much has been written on the subject of comfort zone, and it has been a hot topic of many conversations and debates, most people still spend the majority of their time precisely in their comfort zone. Why is that the case? The reason is simple: Nobody likes feeling uncomfortable. However, avoiding uncomfortable situations and striving toward comfort, pleasure, and satisfaction is not good in the long run. Precisely because by doing that, we are avoiding our growth and development. We stay in place. We strive toward comfort, and we gave it a too important place on our list of priorities. Where is the boundary? Even though our comfort zone can be useful to us, when we use it optimally, as it helps us stay in balance with ourselves, no growth happens there! Every time you step outside your comfort zone, you feel uncomfortable. And that discomfort is related to the fear of the unknown. That is the most common reason people don’t change. They are afraid of change, even their own. The comfort zone is not at all as “comfortable” as we often think it is. It is just familiar. In other words, we know what is waiting for us when we choose to stay in a safe, familiar zone. We do things in the same old, familiar, tested manner. How comfortable is that? It is boring at best. As much as you enjoy your current situation, if it stays the same old, familiar story, with time you will get bored. I wrote earlier about security and fear from the unknown in the blog post “Do you choose security over happiness?” Striving toward new things and challenges is in our nature, and by resisting the new, we are resisting life. We are resisting it out of fear.

CAN FEAR BE GOOD?

Many believe fear protects them. If there was no fear, maybe they would expose themselves to dangerous situations, and fear acts as a brake that keeps you safe. But, is that really the case? Is fear useful and good for us? The majority of fears that we have are related to fictional situations. You imagine certain scenarios in your head, which have nothing to do with your reality, but with your incredible abilities and huge imagination, you manage to connect them. You are even so convinced they have a causal connection, that your imaginary scenario most certainly seems real! Our mind functions in a way, that it wants to protect us from any danger, and thereby we most often fall into the trap of control: If everything is familiar, I’m safe. In other words, if everything is familiar, everything is under control. Any kind of change requires your change too, and the question is whether you will adapt to the new circumstances and manage to handle them?

HOW DID I GET RID OF FEAR?

I used to have a bunch of fears. So many, that it would be easier to list what I wasn’t afraid of than what I was. However, today, the situation is significantly different. How have I accomplished that? I left my comfort zone and did the things that I was afraid of. So, for instance, about 10 years ago, I jumped out of a plane, last year I walked on fire, etc.

Jumping out of a plane was so liberating. I will never forget the moment of falling. Your body is falling toward the ground with uncontrollable speed of 120 miles per hour, you are looking at the distant ground, feeling the airflow, and just falling… Was I afraid at that moment, you may wonder? No! The answer is no, and this is the most important part of the entire story: I was in the present moment.

When you are falling at a speed of 124 miles per hour, you are not thinking about anything, you are in the present moment. And in the present moment, there is no fear. When I was walking over fire barefoot, i.e. over hot coals, the same thing happened again. You are walking and you are passing the distance that you need to pass, but you are in the present moment! There is no fear! When one of my biggest fears in life came true, I witnessed the same enlightenment! I was at the present moment. What are we actually afraid of? Something that might happen in the future, and if somehow it happens, we won’t be afraid at that moment? Are we insane? ?

This was my biggest life lesson. Witnessing the realization of fear and then a paradox- when the reality starts drawing your biggest fears, you are OK! You are there! Present and focused. What should we be afraid of then?

EXPOSE YOUR FEAR

I can say I was lucky when my biggest fear came true. Because after that, nothing was the same again. Even though at that time I knew nothing about the value of being in the present moment, I had an invaluable experience of the present moment while it was happening. And it opens the door to infinite clarity, so powerful, that in such clarity, the last drop of fear melts within the speed of light. How do you get rid of fear then? Will you walk on fire? Jump out of a plane? Or do something else? You don’t have to do anything of the above. The most important thing is to expose that fear. And you will expose it by becoming aware that you are always afraid of the things which are not happening at the moment!

Fear doesn’t exist in the present moment. When we are afraid of something, it is always something that hasn’t happened yet. And if it does happen, at the moment when it happens, every fear vanishes and there is only the present moment.

Realizing that fear can only exist up until the moment we experience a certain event, shows us the exit from the machinations of our thoughts. From the invented scenarios in which we are spinning in circles, and feeling like there is no way out. Those are the only places where fear can survive. And the exit is always simple: The reality tells you all that you need to know. And if by accident, something you fear happens, maybe that will become, like in my case, the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Would you like to get rid of fears and move toward the things you want? Would you like to set goals you never dared to set before? Sign up for coaching with me!